.. KIDDING! I’m not starting my blog out like that. But here I am to tell about the background of myself. Don’t worry, though, I won’t bore you to death.
Why do I want to pursue dance? Ya know, it’s kinda crazy that I’m going for this huge goal. I’ve never danced, never done ballet in my life and all of a sudden I just want to up and make the pom squad. I’ve always been very ambitious. I get an idea in my head and it’s not going away until it’s accomplished. I love being like this, though. Pushing yourself is such a great feeling, especially when you get to the end of your goal. Of course accomplishment isn’t everything, but focusing on something to achieve is just in my heart. My main focus my whole life was cheerleading. The tumbling, the stunting, the dancing was what I lived for! Coming to college and not having that one thing to push myself for was kind of unsettling for me. Pursuing this when I got to college, though, was a little different. This dream only brought constant criticism. Whether it was spoken or not, I could tell people thought I was crazy setting my mind on something that couldn’t possibly be achieved. So I kept it all to myself… which isn’t the easiest thing to do, I might add.
PAUSE: Okay, so those of you who are thinking right now, “how hard can dancing be?” let me tell ya… haha. Ballet is definitely difficult, especially with no dance classes. I was learning ballet all on my own without knowing what I was doing wrong or right. Frustrating!! But little by little, I did it. I dedicated myself, going to the gym every day and working my butt off until I got my turns and jumps down. Dancing was constantly on mind. Probably not too healthy, but I couldn’t help it.
The most amazing thing about all of this is that I found God. I was in a christian sorority but I didn’t know God. I didn’t know how to rely on him for everything. How to be best friends with him. How he cares wholeheartedly about me. I stumbled upon verses that told me to ask God with faith and it will be given to you! Woah! So much truth in this. God got me through all my training. There’s so much more to how God turned my life around and that might be a different post. This whole journey has just be amazing.
Let’s skip to the pom audition part. Day of, I’m feeling confident and ready to conquer what the world throws at me. By the end of practice, I am just…. discouraged. The girls there were SO much better than me. I was horrible. I was embarrassed. I wanted to cry. What really irked me was that there were people who just came and tried out on a whim. Here I was killing myself to make this team and there were people there who just decided to come. What?? Maybe I’m just bitter, I don’t know. I just had so many emotions going through my head. Once I left, I went straight to the gym to practice. I practiced, but I just couldn’t do it. I sat down on the floor. And I cried. And cried. And cried. My body ached. I had bruises and my muscles were sore. I was physically and mentally exhausted. I couldn’t do it, and that moment was completely devastating to me.
Now I’m a sophomore. I thank God that I didn’t make the team. I wasn’t ready by any means and it just wasn’t my time. God showed me that he will give me what I ask for, but on HIS timing. His timing is always right, and mine is always wrong. I have to trust Him. And I do. This is why I will be making the 2013 pom squad.
You just wait and see.