the double standard.

What first comes to your mind when you hear the words “double standard”? For me I think of a girl saying it about a guy. Because us girls are always saying something about it 😉 Luckily I’m not about to go into that. I’ve been learning this really important lesson lately, and I’m not even sure you would call it a double standard. All I know is that we are probably all guilty of doing this and the sad thing is that we don’t even realize it. Or maybe everyone has realized it but me and I’m just plain crazy, but I’m going to share anyway.

Ever been in a bad situation or a bad fight? Find the first situation your mind goes to and think about it for a minute. Think about everything that went wrong. Who was to blame? What was that one thing they said or did that you can’t help but bring up every time you think about the situation. Think about it.

I was in the middle of venting to someone close to me, asking why he/she never makes an effort to spend time with me… and it hit me! What effort did I make? I complain and am constantly ate up inside about this depleting relationship but I didn’t do anything about it. I act like it’s the other persons job to seek me out and my reasoning is because in our relationship it makes more sense that the other person should be making more of an effort towards me. But there I was, standing in front of the person and my heart pounded with guilt as my mind became frantic. They shouldn’t be in charge of coming to me. What are they going through? How is their job? How are the issues they tell no one about effecting their lives? And now I’m standing here telling them they have another selfish burden to worry about. One that was completely accurate…. on my terms. I should be ashamed of myself! Isn’t it my job as a christian and as a person to seek people out if I’m not happy about our relationship? Another example is how I get hurt by someone and I become distant but I don’t tell the person how I’m feeling or why I’m hurt. I’m just distant. And that’s not fair to the other person who may genuinely think they aren’t doing anything wrong. I think we sometimes tell ourselves that because I know something, so should they. Because I feel this way, they should know what I’m feeling and feel that way too. But we don’t all think the same! All of these situation make me realize: it’s not one-sided; it’s two.

It could be reversed too. Maybe your holding onto something that you did wrong and you just can’t get over. Well, let me tell ya…. get over it. You may think you were the only one to blame, but that also may not be the case. I’m not saying shoot the blame on someone else for what you did wrong, but don’t continually beat yourself up for it. Admit your wrongdoing and move on in hope to not make the same mistake again. Let go. Because holding onto it isn’t going to make anything better. Every day is a new day and it’s not your job to please the people who are still holding a grudge against you. We all make mistakes. Some mistakes may be bigger than others, but honestly I believe no matter how the big the mistake, if you ask for forgiveness, forgive yourself, and move on then you will be blessed. I believe EVERY mistake, EVERY sin can be forgiven. Every day you are given a new start and God intended for us to start each day new and focus on Him and on being a better person. Don’t hold on to grudges, self-pity, mistakes. LET IT GO.

There you have it. If this has never crossed your mind before then I encourage you to take a few minutes to think about it. Think about your situation before you approach or judge the problem. Remember, it’s easy to blame the other person. And frankly, they may be very much to blame. But take a step back from the situation and see what your doing. What you could be doing. How that person was raised. What the advantages are that you have but they don’t. Now what are you going to do about it?

CHALLENGE: Try going a day with a good attitude. In a bad situation, think of how it can be considered a blessing. What can you gain from it? (confidence, patience, etc..) Think of what you can be thankful for in a bad situation. See how a positive attitude in every situation can make your day better. It’s easy to be grumpy and rude, and honestly sometimes we just flat out want to be like that because it’s easy. But we know it’s not right. Let go of a grudge your holding against someone because no matter how screwed up it seems on their part, maybe they aren’t the only one to blame.

there once was a girl…

.. KIDDING! I’m not starting my blog out like that. But here I am to tell about the background of myself. Don’t worry, though, I won’t bore you to death. 

Why do I want to pursue dance? Ya know, it’s kinda crazy that I’m going for this huge goal. I’ve never danced, never done ballet in my life and all of a sudden I just want to up and make the pom squad. I’ve always been very ambitious. I get an idea in my head and it’s not going away until it’s accomplished. I love being like this, though. Pushing yourself is such a great feeling, especially when you get to the end of your goal. Of course accomplishment isn’t everything, but focusing on something to achieve is just in my heart. My main focus my whole life was cheerleading. The tumbling, the stunting, the dancing was what I lived for! Coming to college and not having that one thing to push myself for was kind of unsettling for me. Pursuing this when I got to college, though, was a little different. This dream only brought constant criticism. Whether it was spoken or not, I could tell people thought I was crazy setting my mind on something that couldn’t possibly be achieved. So I kept it all to myself… which isn’t the easiest thing to do, I might add. 

PAUSE: Okay, so those of you who are thinking right now, “how hard can dancing be?” let me tell ya… haha. Ballet is definitely difficult, especially with no dance classes. I was learning ballet all on my own without knowing what I was doing wrong or right. Frustrating!! But little by little, I did it. I dedicated myself, going to the gym every day and working my butt off until I got my turns and jumps down. Dancing was constantly on mind. Probably not too healthy, but I couldn’t help it.

The most amazing thing about all of this is that I found God. I was in a christian sorority but I didn’t know God. I didn’t know how to rely on him for everything. How to be best friends with him. How he cares wholeheartedly about me. I stumbled upon verses that told me to ask God with faith and it will be given to you! Woah! So much truth in this. God got me through all my training. There’s so much more to how God turned my life around and that might be a different post. This whole journey has just be amazing.

Let’s skip to the pom audition part. Day of, I’m feeling confident and ready to conquer what the world throws at me. By the end of practice, I am just…. discouraged. The girls there were SO much better than me. I was horrible. I was embarrassed. I wanted to cry. What really irked me was that there were people who just came and tried out on a whim. Here I was killing myself to make this team and there were people there who just decided to come. What?? Maybe I’m just bitter, I don’t know. I just had so many emotions going through my head. Once I left, I went straight to the gym to practice. I practiced, but I just couldn’t do it. I sat down on the floor. And I cried. And cried. And cried. My body ached. I had bruises and my muscles were sore. I was physically and mentally exhausted. I couldn’t do it, and that moment was completely devastating to me. 

Now I’m a sophomore. I thank God that I didn’t make the team. I wasn’t ready by any means and it just wasn’t my time. God showed me that he will give me what I ask for, but on HIS timing. His timing is always right, and mine is always wrong. I have to trust Him. And I do. This is why I will be making the 2013 pom squad. 

You just wait and see.

 

je t’aime, 

hayley.